


My Sister's Keeper

by ariapassionflower01



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariapassionflower01/pseuds/ariapassionflower01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year ago, a case had come up that had opened a floodgate for a lot of memories. She had gotten past it. But what happened when someone who knew tore open old wounds? Her brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Sister's Keeper

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the season five episode "Risky Business"

The paperwork was thick. The night was getting darker and Jennifer Jareau was more tired than hell. Her neck was aching from leaning over her desk too long, but she was determined to finish up so that she would be free to look through cases the next day. She and Hotch were the only ones left like usual but JJ was almost sure that she was going to out-work Hotch for once.   
The phone rang, jerking her out of her tunnel vision. She let out a breath, glaring at the phone. She picked it up after her heartbeat returned to normal pace. “Jennifer Jareau.”   
“Jenny?” A deep voice came through the line, and JJ's head came up, her blue eyes wide.   
“Jade?” Her voice was barely a whisper. “What....?”   
“Look.” He took a deep breath. “I know this is unexpected, but..... I'm a plane right now. Headed to Quantico.”   
“Why are you coming here?”  
“Because..... I want to talk to you.” He was silent, waiting for her reply. JJ couldn't say a word. Her vocal cords were frozen. Jade was coming here? Her brother. Her brother who she hadn't spoken to in.... how long? She couldn't even remember.   
“Why now?” She finally forced out.   
“I had a dream last night, Jenny. About her.”   
JJ's lower lip began to quiver. She bit it, closing her eyes. She had steeled herself against this long ago. She couldn't afford to break down about it now.   
“I've been thinking about this for a long time.” Jade said. “I just....this is the breaking point. I'm coming down and there's nothing you can do to stop me.”   
Again, JJ couldn't speak. What was happening? A year ago, a case had come up that had opened a floodgate for a lot of memories. She had gotten past it. But what happened when someone who knew tore open old wounds? Her brother.   
“Jenny?”   
“What airport are you flying into?” She asked.   
“What?” Jade sounded surprised that she wasn't throwing a fit about it or trying to reason him out of coming. Then he recovered after a few moments of silence and told her.   
“I'll pick you up. What time are you coming in?”  
“Midnight.”   
“Okay. I'll be there.”  
“Jenny?”  
“What?”  
“Thanks.”   
“Goodbye, Jade.” JJ said, then hung up after he replied. She set the phone down, feeling the lump in her throat rising once more. She tried to swallow around it, but then the tears came after it. She felt them growing hotly in her eyes, trying to escape. She bit back a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. Her shoulders began to shake, and a huge teardrop slid down her cheek. She couldn't stop the tears now, or the cries that reached past her throat and filled the silence of her small office. She couldn't stop the memories. She couldn't stop the guilt that had once filled her from returning. She couldn't do a thing. All she could do was sit in her chair, behind her desk and wait until the tears dried once more. 

 

BAU ^ BAU ^ BAU ^ BAU ^ BAU

JJ sat in the parking lot of the airport for at least a minute before she opened the door and got out. She rode the elevator down to the baggage claim and stood with her arms wrapped around herself, waiting for Jade to appear. She waited for a little over ten minutes before she saw his blonde head and his slim but strong build.   
JJ drew in a deep breath. After she had dried her tears, she had left her office, leaving the paperwork that had once been so important, unfinished. She had called Will and told him to put Henry to bed and then go to bed himself. She probably wouldn't be back. There had been questions but she had met them all with a negative – a technique she had perfected from holding off blood-thirsty reporters. She had walked to Hotch's office and told him that she didn't know if she would be coming in the next day. Hotch hadn't questioned her. He had said, “If you're having a personal problem, take a few days off. You've earned them.” And that was it. He hadn't asked her anything. She had wanted to run across the room and hug him and kiss him. She had wanted to cry on his shoulder. She had wanted to tell him that it was about her sister. She had wanted to tell him every detail, because he was just always so understanding. Mainly because he already knew about her sister and because he was there when no one else was.   
Now, standing here in the airport gazing through the jumbled, late-night crowd at the brother she hadn't seen in years, she felt a resolve fill her. It was always in the worst of situations that her steel backbone kicked in.   
Jade hurried over to her. She was extremely surprised when he wrapped his arms around her, and crushed her against his solid chest. She was frozen for a moment before she slid her arms around him.   
“Jenny.” He whispered her name. Then he pulled back, his ice blue eyes staring in hers. “God, Jenny, I don't why I've been such a dickhead these past few years. I'm really sorry. I've really been wanting to talk to your for about three years now.”   
“Why didn't you call before?”  
“Why didn't you?”   
JJ nodded, her chin lowering to her chest. What he said was true. Neither of them had contacted the other because they were afraid of the past. It was almost like they were afraid of each other.   
“Have you talked to Mom or Dad lately?” Jade asked.  
“No.” JJ said. She felt a little guilty, admitting it out loud, but what else could she say.  
“Where do you wanna go?” Jade asked. “Your place?”  
“No. No.” JJ quickly objected. “Will's there.”  
“Will?”  
“Will LaMontagne. He's my....” JJ paused. What would she call Will. They weren't married but they were past the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. “He's Henry's father.” She finally said. “My son.”   
Jade's eyes widened. “You.....I....I have a nephew?”  
“Yes. Henry.” She said his name again. Saying his name, always gave her the strength she needed. “I thought that we could just rent a hotel room. So we could talk. I didn't really want.....”  
“What? Anyone to know?”  
JJ swallowed, her eyes still on the floor. “Yeah. I guess.”  
“It's okay. I'll pay.”  
“No. You've already spent the money on the flight. I have plenty of money. I work for the FBI.” JJ said. “Did you bring anything?” '  
“Just a carry-on.”   
“Okay. Let's go.” JJ turned and walked back to the elevator, in a hurry to get to their destination, but somehow wanting to never get there.   
They drove in JJ's car, silent. Finally, Jade said, “How is the FBI? Is it exciting?”  
“It has it's moments.”  
“Moments?”  
“Yeah.” JJ said, thinking about Tobias and Foyet, and some of the others. She shivered, gripping the wheel tighter, as she remembered that case. The one that had brought up her sister- at least in her mind.   
“I don't mean to sound uncaring....”  
“What?”  
“You ever use that gun?” He pointed the one on her hip.  
“Unfortunately.” JJ replied.   
“On a person?”  
“Dogs.” JJ said, blandly. And she didn't elaborate.   
They fell into silence once more and JJ found the hotel that she had been looking for. It would room them for 120 dollars that night. Decent, with comfortable beds. She should know. She'd taken Will here once on one of his secret trips here before they had become an official couple.   
JJ parked and they walked inside. She signed in with the receptionist and paid in cash for one room with two beds. She and Jade walked up to the room, and JJ opened the door with the card.   
Now that they were here, JJ wasn't really sure how to begin this conversation. It had been Jade that wanted to talk, so maybe he should start.   
They sat down on the bed, and were engulfed in the loud silence for a few seconds before Jade began.   
“I know you were only eleven when she....when she died. You didn't really understand yet, about teenage stuff. You didn't know everything about Troy. But that was where it started. He's the reason that she's not here today.”  
“The boyfriend.” JJ said. It was amazing how she could still remember the kid's face to that day. He'd been tall, dark-haired, stubbled, and musclebound. Everything a girl could want. He had even been the captain of the football team. A jock. A popular kid. She wasn't surprised that he was part of the reason that Jana was gone.  
And then there was Jana. Her sister. They'd grown up in a small town, where sports was every kid's life. Jana was no different. They had both played basketball, volleyball, and soccer during their respective seasons. Although JJ had been better at sports, Jana had been more passionate. If her team lost a game, it rocked her entire world. But it hadn't been that way for JJ. In her mind, it had been just another way for the adults in the town to control her.   
Jana worked hard to make friends, whereas JJ didn't even have to try. What friends Jana did have, weren't in the popular circle of talented sports athletes. They were the ones that rode the bench. She was never really made fun of, but she wasn't in the 'in' crowd. It came as a suprise to everyone when Troy asked her out. She was encouraged to agree and of course, Jana, being Jana, had gone along with it, flattered by the attention.   
“Everything about him?” JJ asked.  
“Yeah.” Jade sighed. “He was a user. 'Roids for his muscles and pot for his ego.” He looked up into JJ's eyes. He was hoping that she would know what he wanted to say before he had to say it. JJ felt her heart plummet.  
“No...” The word came out in a whisper. Her heart which had already been broken into a thousand pieces before shattered once more.   
“He got her hooked.” Jade whispered.   
“But....” The sentence faded. “No.... Jana wouldn't've.....”  
“She was in love with Troy, but he just wanted to use her.” Jade sounded slightly angry now. “He had sex with her, got her on pot. He ruined her. She wasn't the same sister that you knew after they met.”  
JJ was shaking her head. She knew that she was going into denial but she didn't care. Her lips and chin quivered and she felt the hot tears once more. “No.” She murmured once more.   
“Jenny, I'm sorry.” Jade's arms came around her. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I'm sorry that you have to hear this now.”   
They sat there for several seconds before Jade continued, JJ still wrapped in his arms. “She got pregnant. When she told Troy, he broke up with her. He was on pot, maybe something strong. He got mad. He hit her.”   
JJ felt a sob shake her and she held onto Jade tighter. She clenched his shirt in her fists and hid her face in his chest.   
“The next day, all the jocks and cheerleaders....” His voice faded. “They were so mean to her. I tried to stop them, but they surrounded her and they just kept saying those things.... They said she was a whore and slut. They called her a pothead in front of everyone. They threw stuff at her. She just ran out of the school and didn't come back.....” Jade's voice faded to almost nothing. “That night, she....killed herself....”   
The tears spilled down JJ's cheeks, undeterred and unchecked. Jade rocked her in his arms, his own voice rough with unshed tears.   
JJ reached between them and found the necklace that hung around her neck. It had been Jana's. She had put in on before she went to the airport to pick up Jade. She hadn't worn it since the case about the teen deaths. She clearly remembered Jana giving it to her. It had been the night that he sister had taken her life. She had walked into JJ's room, sat down on her Disney Princess bed, and said, “I'll always love you, Jenny. You know that, right?”   
“Yeah.” JJ had replied in her eleven-year-old, innocent voice.   
“I want you to have this.” She had taken of the necklace and pressed it into her hand. JJ had gasped. It had been Jana's favorite and she had secretly always wanted it. And now she was giving it to her. “So you'll always know that I love you and I'll always be with you.” Jana said. Then she had put the necklace around her little sister's neck and left the room.   
The next day their mother had found Jana hanging by a belt in her room. JJ could still hear the screams to this day. She heard them in her nightmares. She heard them whenever she thought of Jana. And she didn't think that they would ever leave her alone.   
“I always felt guilty.” Jade said. “I thought that I could've stopped her from doing that because I knew what was going on. I felt like I was....my sister's keeper.”   
“I....did too.” JJ whispered. “I felt guilty for not knowing that she was going to do that.”   
“You couldn't've known.” Jade said, his hand stroking her hair. “Not you. But me.....I could've.”   
There was silence once more. JJ's tears faded in the strong circle of her brother's arms as he rocked her and petted her hair. Her eyes slowly closed, the exhaustion seeming to catch up with her in and instant. And there, against Jade's chest, she fell in a fitful, but much needed sleep. 

 

BAU ^ BAU ^ BAU ^ BAU

The sun coming through the windows blinded JJ, who was just awaking from sleep. Her eyelashes fluttered, her brow furrowing as the bright rays reached past her lids.   
At first, she didn't remember where she was or why. But then it all came back, hitting her full force in the stomach. She drew in a breath, every image of the night before playing through her head.   
She realized that she was lying against something...or someone. She looked over her shoulder and saw Jade lying on his side, his eyes still closed in sleep. His arm was draped over her, protectively, holding her against him.   
The last time they had been this close had been years ago. The first night without Jana, she had crawled into Jade's bed and slept with him all night. But Jade had seemed different after Jana's suicide and now she knew why. He felt partly responsible for what had happened all those years ago.   
They'd grown apart. Everyone had. By the end of the first year, their parents hardly spoke without arguing, and they had eventually divorced. She and Jade hardly talked, and they were hardly ever together on the weekends they had with their dad.   
JJ didn't move. She didn't want to. She didn't want to leave the safety of Jade's arms to go to the cruel, uncaring world. She didn't want to think about what would happen after she left this hotel room. She didn't want to think about explaining this to Will. She didn't want to think about facing the BAU after all of this. She knew that both parties would be understanding, but she still didn't want to say anything to them or receive their sympathy.   
She lay there for several more minutes, listening to Jade's even breathing, before he came awake. She shifted behind her, groaning a little at the sunlight.   
“Jenny?” His voice was scratchy with sleep.  
“What?” She replied.   
He sat up, his longish blonde hair, disheveled. He ran a hand through it, which didn't help much. He slid to the end of the bed and sat there, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.   
“I'm sorry I kept you here all night.”  
“It's okay. I told Will that I wouldn't be home.” JJ said, staring out the window across the room.   
“This Will.” Jade said. “How is he? To you, I mean.”  
“I love him, and he loves me.”   
Jade nodded and stood up. “I suppose I'll be heading back.”  
“Wait.” JJ said, sitting up too. “You're leaving?” She sounded like a scared little girl, but she didn't want him to leave. He was the only one who knew the full extent of her pain. He was the only who could really understand, and he was saying that he was going to leave.   
“You don't want me to?” He sounded surprised.  
“Jade, I don't know why we didn't talk all these years, and I 'm sorry for that. And....” Her voice faded. She felt like breaking down again, but she didn't. “Yes. I want you to stay.”  
“What about your son and Will? What about your job?”  
“I want to have one more day with you. That's it. We don't have to go to my house. I can call Will and tell him that I won't be home. I already told my boss that I wouldn't be in today. Just, please....”   
“Okay.” He said, walking around to her side of the bed and sitting down next to her. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I won't go.” He gave a hint of a smile, but she could barely return it. “Where will we go to?”   
“I don't know. I don't care.” She stood and grabbed her purse from a chair in the room. She pulled her cell out and speed dialed Will.   
“Hey, it's me.” She said.  
“I know. Where have you been? I've tried to call you at least ten times. I'm getting worried.”   
“Don't. I'm fine. I'm not coming back to the house today-”  
“What? Wait, JJ. Where are you? What are you doing?”  
“I have some things to take care of.” She walked past Jade to the room's bathroom and shut the door. She leaned against it, her head tilted back. “I can't tell you. I'm sorry I can't, but..... this is personal, and I don't want you getting dragged into it. I promise, I'm fine. Don't call Hotch”  
“I....” His denial faded. “All right, but if you're not back by tonight, I will.”   
“Don't worry. I will be..... I love you.”  
“I love you too.” He said, then paused. “Henry's gonna miss you.”  
“I know, but this is important.”  
“I hope so.”   
“It is. I'll be back by nine tonight. No later.”  
“Okay. Bye.”  
“Bye.” She hung up, and rubbed a hand over her face. She walked to the counter and looked in the mirror. He makeup was a day old, her hair was unbrushed and tangled, and although she had slept all night, she looked haggard.   
She gathered her strength and pulled the door open. She walked out and put her phone back in her purse.   
“What'd he say?” Jade asked. “Is he mad?”  
“He'll be okay. Let's go check out.” JJ said.   
They tidied the room a little and then left it, shutting the door behind them. JJ chanced a look back as they walked away. Room 221. The room where she had discovered the truth about Jana's suicide. Why her sister had been ruined. Why she wasn't there that day with them. Why their parents had split. Why she and Jade had grown apart. Why her childhood had gone down the drain.   
Troy. Maybe someday she'd have Garcia track him down. Who knew what Garcia could do to him.   
They checked out at the desk, and then walked for the door. She felt Jade grab her hand, and she squeezed it before he pulled away and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him, feeling the sun shine down on her face as they made there way to the car.   
There was a part inside of her that felt trapped by the truth. She felt trapped, knowing that it hadn't, had to happen. Jana hadn't, had to die. All because of sex, drugs, and the feeling of superiority over someone else. Bullying. All because a teenage girl just wanted to be accepted by her peers. All because some jock wanted to play God.   
But another part of her felt freed by this revelation. She felt freed knowing that she didn't have to feel guilty. Jana had died long before she hung herself. She died the moment she had accepted Troy's offer of a date. She felt freed, knowing that she could finally put her sister to rest, at least in her mind.   
JJ reached up and fingered the necklace, then she looked at her brother. She didn't think that she could lose him again. She wouldn't let it happen. As for Jana, her sister had already said it years ago. " I want you to have this. So you'll always know that I love you and I'll always be with you."


End file.
